If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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