I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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