You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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