Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize