If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
