I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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