you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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