I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
