Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
