Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
