help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
