please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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