How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
