If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
