I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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