No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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