you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
