you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
