Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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