so that wasnt chicken after all
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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