my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
