So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think your dad took our porno
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
