Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
