her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
