Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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