Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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