oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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