Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
