Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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