i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My vagina just recognized that song.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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