I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
