I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
