Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
