Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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