Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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