Me too!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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