May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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