nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
