i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
