First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
