Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
