I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize