based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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