my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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