It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
