There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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