ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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