omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
