I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
