i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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