Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
