its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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