how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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