I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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