my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
