Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
