She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I love you. Go after that dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
