I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
