omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
