i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
