You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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